Doing Bad Things is Fun...MONSTER WEEKEND Cont.

(Maybe I shouldn't be able to play video games for like the weekend)

As promised now that I have had time to shake off the stink that was this weekend it is time to recap it.

UGA lost 17-6 why? Because Washauns Hit and Run Dumb ass can't hold onto the football (I really wish he'd have gone to jail at this point). Thanks alot Douche

GT lost 28-25? This is a good thing because I spent the weekend w/Tech Alums and had they not lost to a Div 2 school I wouldn't have survived the weekend...oh wait Kansas is still a Div 1 school they just lost to North Dakota St (an actual Div 2 school) the week before. Hahahaha. Not to mention VA Tech lost to Boise St. (eww) and James Madison (Div 2) back to back weeks. ACC! ACC! ACC! The ACC has no value and should not be an automatic qualifying conference.

The Braves continue to suck

The Cowboys and Lions both lost due to dumbass plays made by former GA Tech Players (Tashard Choice and Calvin Johnson). Gary Guyton did make a nice play in the NE Cincy game.

Now that I've got all the suck out of the way let's talk about what went right and why MONSTER WEEKEND was a success:

Keg Beer! Sweetwater IPA and it's full delicious 7% alcohol per volume flavor to be exact

Four Loko! I've sworn it off 6 times now but let's be realistic raging on lok with friends outside of gas stations and then going bowling only happens when you lok. Good Times

Strippers! Even when they have a clit that is almost the size of your own dick it is fun to get slapped in the face with big, fake titties. Explain that you have no cash. Have them follow you to the ATM. Then demand that whore give you change from your $10 out of her G-string

Taco Cabana! I'm not sure if this was the name of the restaurant or not, but finding $3 on the sidewalk on the walk there and buying and eating a cheese bean burrito for $3.01 and puking it up was well worth it. Deliciousness x 2

Shirtless Walk Home! Apparently this is a rule and so we all walked shirtless back home while dipping. Attempts were made to purchase sex. Friends were lost on accident. And bums were harassed.

MONSTER WEEKEND!!! Only 3 Days Until It's Always Sunny Premiere. Only four days until MONSTER WEEKEND Part Deaux

Clit Dick, Rampage Loked Up Bowling, Taco Cabana and a shirtless walk home=MONSTER WEEKEND

(The Jesus would never bowl a 31..."8 year olds Dude")

What do you do when your Alma Mater loses a football game? I'll tell you more about it later. More details to come when I'm able to come back to life after this worthless weekend of losses that in some weird way weren't so bad because of friends and booze.

Fresh4Eating: KFC

(It's so Glorious)

This blog was founded upon the principles of bbq,booze, and boobs and it's time we get back to our roots. What better way to do that than by filling your arteries w this

Double Down Nutrition Facts

Sandwich Calories Fat (g) Sodium (mg) KFC Original Recipe® Double Down 540 32 1380 KFC Grilled Double Down 460 23 1430

That's right baby, the KFC Double Down Sandwich!

If you haven't treated yourself to one of these most delish beasts of mans own creation do yourself a favor and crush your face with one tomorrow. As the new KFC commercial states "today is the day I Double Down!" When I ordered my double-down sandwich today I shouted the aforementioned sentence to the cashier. The kind lady giggled, told me how good the sandwich was and... in standard KFC employee form managed to F'up my order. The situation was promptly remedied and my double-slice of fried chicken Heaven delivered a taste-gasm not akin to anything else on this planet.

(It's Imperative to eat this "sandwich" w/anger and force)

The Bible says that there will be a feast prepared for all believers. A banquet/buffet I imagine. The KFC Double-Down Sandwich will undoubtedly be on the menu.

Review:

Location- 2/5 cans

Service- 1/5 cans

Taste/Quality- 5/5 cans

The Hook Brings You Back

(I'm eating the other stuff before I eat the meat)

I want to apologize to those readers who were subjected to Capt. Krunks failed attempt at internet stardom. I assure you it wont happen again. I have faith in him as a fellow member of the pen15 club (the writers guild) but he still has some learning to do. On to the meat... (Anyone else eat all the vegetables and other items on their plate and save the meat for last?...this is not rhetorical I really want to know)

It is currently 4:09 PM and if you are in your car and not listening to Dave FM (92.9 on the dial) you are doing yourself and the entire city of Atlanta a huge disservice. I'm unfamiliar with whom the drivetime dj is over at Dave, I'm sure it's listed on their website...due to time restrictions (aka a 4:45 showing of Machete!) I'm not going to look it up. Bottom line is whoever it is, is somehow tapped into my brain and plays the music I want to hear, exactly when I want to hear it. For example the other day I switched over to Dave FM around 5:3o PM and I heard a live version of the Counting Crowes "Hanging Around" followed immediately by Blues Traveler "The Hook"...these songs are staples on my drunken Youtube College Playlist.

Times Up. Going to see Machete. Listen to Dave on Lok...or just get loked and get on Youtube

Fresh4Morning: Early Morn Phone Calls=Motivation

I've been up since around 3:30 AM and I feel great. Work is fast approaching at 8 AM and I could care less. I would like to take this time to thank the makers of coffee and while I'm at it the fine men and women at Coffee Mate for producing Coffee Mate chocolate. MMMMmmmm delish

"My point is dude" to quote Walter from the Big Lebowski (One of the greatest films of all time) is that LCD Soundsystem is playing the Tabernacle the night of October the 4th. I have no idea what day that falls on but I'll be there and so should you.

(It's too early in the morn/Babies Welcome/WTF)

Also to quote Walter again "Fucking Amateurs" (Walter of course was referencing the nihilist in the film..."We believe in nothing Lebowski...yaaah. We come back tomorrow to cut off your Johnson") I however am referencing the Phillies and the Braves for that matter. It's not often that you can lose 3 games in a row and somehow manage to gain half a game in the standings but that's exactly what happened this week in the NL East. That being said the Braves need to get it together.

Lastly, to quote Walter once more "If you will it Dude, it is no dream"- Stay Fresh yall

The Fuck? How'd I Never Hear About This?

I watch the History Channel a lot. Not as much lately since its not one of the HD channels, but I've built up a veritable useless treasure trove of snippets of historical facts and intrigue. Last night PBS aired a two hour long show on the History of Chickens. I watched 10 minutes of it because those few moments were devoted to Mike the Headless Chicken

A regular chicken, one day in 1945, was chosen as dinner. Normally that story would end fried and delicious. Not Mike. No, he had something more weird to give. He lived. Due to a careless, but nonetheless successful, beheading, Mike held onto his brain stem and one ear. Thats all it took for him to remain cock of the walk in the barnyard. And in no time at all he was picking out the tallest perches, feebly crowing/gargling at the sun, and eating the choicest corn by eyedropper delivery. He lived for another year and half after his beheading. Which is longer than most fully-headed chickens get to live. Mind, meet Blown.

Video of Headless Chicken? Video of Headless Chicken.

F2DR Presents: A Sit Down & Chat: An Interview With A Scientist

Tonight, we are breaking away from the usual stories on religious intolerance, crime, hair-do polls (because, we all realllllly care whether or not Brent turns himself into a child with his haircut), undertones of racism, misspellings of the word circa, and restaurant reviews that keep you coming back, again and again. In lieu of all that irrelevant shit, here is a made up interview with a goddamned scientist.



E. O. Wilson, (B.S., Univ. of Alabama, M.S. & Ph. D., Harvard) joins us to discuss things and share his views on the little terror-baby-turned-full-citizen S. invicta, the fucking imported fire ant.

J: Dr. Wilson, glad you could make it.
E. O.: Great to be here, I hate pigeons and zombies myself, you know.
J: LOL! Yes, its been quite the unmemorable summer.
E. O.: Maybe for you, I've been jamming to Cee-Lo's F**k You since Memorial Day.
J: Damn, all I've had is (500) Days of Weezy's Lollipop Dreams. But F**k You was released less than a week ago. How'd you get a hold of it nearly three months ago?
E. O.: When you work as closely with fire ants as I do, you really get to know all the necessary ways to articulate, "fuck you".
J: That makes great sense Ed and segues into the Science part of this interview nicely.
E. O.: I'm not called the Lord of Ants and the Father of Sociobiology for nothing.
J: I recently had a terrible experience with fire an...
E. O.: Let me interrupt you by saying that all experiences involving fire ants are terrible, albeit the ones that also include matches and a bottle of lighter fluid. I've been saying as much since 1951!
J: Well, this experience begins with me unknowingly standing on a bed of the little Brazilian bastards and by the time I first felt the initial sting, they had covered both of my legs, up to my knees and inside of my pants. Hundreds of the devils. I was shocked and awed by their numbers, by their hostility.
E. O.: Let me guess, you immediately ran away while kicking off your boots and pants?
J: Yes. Yes, that is exactly what happened. And now, more than 24 hours later, both of my legs are covered in pimple bites and are still numb. Itching and burning. And occasionally oozing.



Gross!
E. O.: Scientists who work in the field, from time to time, come across these tiny invaders. We are forced to take measures, which often involve having to strip off the affected clothes and run away. It happens.
J: Thank you Ed. It was great sitting down with you...for a second time. We first met back in 2004, at Young Harris College. You spoke about microbes in the soils or some jazz.
E. O.: Thank you. Always glad to chat with a fan. And be sure to let Blake know that scientists take off their pants in the woods all the time!

Well. That's that. Now you know a little more about fire ants, pants and scientists.