Fresh4Morning: Early Morn Phone Calls=Motivation

I've been up since around 3:30 AM and I feel great. Work is fast approaching at 8 AM and I could care less. I would like to take this time to thank the makers of coffee and while I'm at it the fine men and women at Coffee Mate for producing Coffee Mate chocolate. MMMMmmmm delish

"My point is dude" to quote Walter from the Big Lebowski (One of the greatest films of all time) is that LCD Soundsystem is playing the Tabernacle the night of October the 4th. I have no idea what day that falls on but I'll be there and so should you.

(It's too early in the morn/Babies Welcome/WTF)

Also to quote Walter again "Fucking Amateurs" (Walter of course was referencing the nihilist in the film..."We believe in nothing Lebowski...yaaah. We come back tomorrow to cut off your Johnson") I however am referencing the Phillies and the Braves for that matter. It's not often that you can lose 3 games in a row and somehow manage to gain half a game in the standings but that's exactly what happened this week in the NL East. That being said the Braves need to get it together.

Lastly, to quote Walter once more "If you will it Dude, it is no dream"- Stay Fresh yall

The Fuck? How'd I Never Hear About This?

I watch the History Channel a lot. Not as much lately since its not one of the HD channels, but I've built up a veritable useless treasure trove of snippets of historical facts and intrigue. Last night PBS aired a two hour long show on the History of Chickens. I watched 10 minutes of it because those few moments were devoted to Mike the Headless Chicken

A regular chicken, one day in 1945, was chosen as dinner. Normally that story would end fried and delicious. Not Mike. No, he had something more weird to give. He lived. Due to a careless, but nonetheless successful, beheading, Mike held onto his brain stem and one ear. Thats all it took for him to remain cock of the walk in the barnyard. And in no time at all he was picking out the tallest perches, feebly crowing/gargling at the sun, and eating the choicest corn by eyedropper delivery. He lived for another year and half after his beheading. Which is longer than most fully-headed chickens get to live. Mind, meet Blown.

Video of Headless Chicken? Video of Headless Chicken.

F2DR Presents: A Sit Down & Chat: An Interview With A Scientist

Tonight, we are breaking away from the usual stories on religious intolerance, crime, hair-do polls (because, we all realllllly care whether or not Brent turns himself into a child with his haircut), undertones of racism, misspellings of the word circa, and restaurant reviews that keep you coming back, again and again. In lieu of all that irrelevant shit, here is a made up interview with a goddamned scientist.



E. O. Wilson, (B.S., Univ. of Alabama, M.S. & Ph. D., Harvard) joins us to discuss things and share his views on the little terror-baby-turned-full-citizen S. invicta, the fucking imported fire ant.

J: Dr. Wilson, glad you could make it.
E. O.: Great to be here, I hate pigeons and zombies myself, you know.
J: LOL! Yes, its been quite the unmemorable summer.
E. O.: Maybe for you, I've been jamming to Cee-Lo's F**k You since Memorial Day.
J: Damn, all I've had is (500) Days of Weezy's Lollipop Dreams. But F**k You was released less than a week ago. How'd you get a hold of it nearly three months ago?
E. O.: When you work as closely with fire ants as I do, you really get to know all the necessary ways to articulate, "fuck you".
J: That makes great sense Ed and segues into the Science part of this interview nicely.
E. O.: I'm not called the Lord of Ants and the Father of Sociobiology for nothing.
J: I recently had a terrible experience with fire an...
E. O.: Let me interrupt you by saying that all experiences involving fire ants are terrible, albeit the ones that also include matches and a bottle of lighter fluid. I've been saying as much since 1951!
J: Well, this experience begins with me unknowingly standing on a bed of the little Brazilian bastards and by the time I first felt the initial sting, they had covered both of my legs, up to my knees and inside of my pants. Hundreds of the devils. I was shocked and awed by their numbers, by their hostility.
E. O.: Let me guess, you immediately ran away while kicking off your boots and pants?
J: Yes. Yes, that is exactly what happened. And now, more than 24 hours later, both of my legs are covered in pimple bites and are still numb. Itching and burning. And occasionally oozing.



Gross!
E. O.: Scientists who work in the field, from time to time, come across these tiny invaders. We are forced to take measures, which often involve having to strip off the affected clothes and run away. It happens.
J: Thank you Ed. It was great sitting down with you...for a second time. We first met back in 2004, at Young Harris College. You spoke about microbes in the soils or some jazz.
E. O.: Thank you. Always glad to chat with a fan. And be sure to let Blake know that scientists take off their pants in the woods all the time!

Well. That's that. Now you know a little more about fire ants, pants and scientists.

1st Ever F2DR Poll: Insert Sponsor Here _________

Remember back in the early to mid 90's at the peak of the Braves run of dominance when Super Cuts offered to shave a Braves Tomahawk into the side of your head and charged roughly $12 to do so? Well I do, and I did a couple summers ago... The Braves sucked then, but I feel that now the entire fanbase has been rejuvenated by this years team and its time to bring back the Tomahawk hair cut!

F2DR Nation you be the judge. Should I once again rock this do?

(Tomahawk Hair Do Pictured Above. Cerca Summer 2008)

I vote yes. What say you? I believe that all of Braves Country should band together with a unified look.

F2DR Movie Review: The Expendables

Plot: A band of brothers (the Expendables) save a chick's life on an island overthrown by corruption.

Synopsis: Sylvester Stallone mindfreaks the audience into believing that this isn't the most recent installment in the Rambo Franchise by adding an all star cast of action stars to the mix. This movie has it all except for full on penetration (requires Hulu Regestration...worth it), which as most of us know is the key ingredient for a film to be considered great. I digress. Guns go boom! Shit gets blown up, and the good guys win. A wonderful cinematic experience that you need not miss unless you are a baby...no seriously do not under any circumstances take a small child to this movie. Loud Noises! and if that's not reason enough for you to subject a baby to this flick then try this on for size. Gore! Enough to satisfy the blood lust of Rob Zombie in cinema for the next 5 years.

F2DR Final Score 9/10

Babies Not Welcome!

Ever Take A Bad Trip...On Drugs?

Latest music video from electronic rock duo, Ratatat, is just as fun as being left in a room with a whole bunch of strangers while your tripping. Also, Santa.

Fresh4Morning: Why The Mets' Step-Parents Suck

Everyone worth knowing, knows the Mets suck. What many fail to realize is that this level of suck rubs off even on people who are only affiliated with the organization by banging K-Rod's mom. Francisco Rodriguez (4-2, 2.24 ERA, 25 SV, 1 RfD (Responsibility for Divorce)) got into an altercation with his father-in-law in the Mets' clubhouse after yet another loss. Details are hard to find, but the end result is K-Rod punched his New Dad in the kisser, hopefully a strong right, who ended up being the biggest bitch and widest gaping pussy about the whole thing. Not only did the guy press charges and have him arrested for assault, he also had to go to the hospital. Going to the hospital for "facial bruises" is weak sauce. I hope the guy catches one of those nosocomial superbugs and ends up pissing blood for the rest of his life. Justified.

K-Rod clearly has issues with this guy and may have been hitting him for a good reason, but c'mon. He's a professional athlete and all one of his right crosses can inflict are "facial bruises". Pop-in-law should have been chewing on incisors or digging his eyeball out with a spoon and a sponge. At the very least having to hold his head back and apply pressure to his nose. I bet Billy Wagner could throw a punch like a man. Hopefully he hit himself last night for trying to lose another game.

The best part of the article covering the altercation is the accompanying poll.

Let's hope so.

{Source Article}

The Atlanta Braves: A Microcosm of the Human Experience

Me: It was good seeing you, what do you have going on later tonight?

Athens Townie that used to/maybe still does work in the basement of Grady College at UGA: I'm either going bowling, or I'm about to go kill myself...one of the two

Me: Well you take care and good luck

It wasn't until about six fateful minutes later when the magnitude of this conversation actually hit me (the normal amount of time it takes for something important to get to you when drinking tequila). Chipper Jones had just made the best defensive play I'd seen him make in over five years, and for that he was rolling around in the grass holding his knee. Visions of being at the Ted for this years Fall Classic and partying throughout the night in Buckhead when the Braves win the World Series in 6 games over the Chicago White Sox started vanishing from my memory. Suddenly it all made sense...In one way or another we are all about to go bowling (living for a purpose) or are about to kill ourselves (worrying about Chippers knee instead of taking Cox chapter 23 to heart***). These are the kinds of things that one ponders after a three day bender in Athens. For me, it is time to go bowling. I'll keep you posted on how I score.

*** Yea though I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Defeat, I will fear not the Phillies, for thy Conrad and Hudson they comfort me

Cox 23

(Shout out to Craig for winning the Dream Theater Challenge and for this quotation from the Book of Cox)

I Have So Many Problems With This, I'm Going to Use Dum-Dum Bullet Points

Social Political blog we are not. But we are social creatures and politics are happening right now. So when a nationally covered distasteful, ignorant, fundamentalist viewpoint touches my serious internet business, I get perturbed. Ole Newt doesn't want there to be a mosque and community center built a couple blocks from the site of the WTC and Brent agrees with him. I'm sure a lot of Americans do. But, I'm also sure a lot of Americans are idiots.
When political and TV leaders are espousing an idea that a mosque (and, diligently mentioned by proponents, community center) being built within a few blocks of one the greatest tragedies and acts of violence in American history, represents a "victory" for Islam its not hard to understand the resistance and outrage many are feeling. I'm only going to dissect Brent's admittedly short and quick take on the matter. He presumably was picturing this as he wrote it.

Here are the promised bullets, marvel at my HTML powers!

1. ...radical Muslims flew planes into the Twin Towers killing 2,976 American Citizens.

   • Over 300 foreign nationals are included in this number along with an equal number of actual regular Muslims who were just as victimized as non-Muslims



2. I'm so happy that I live in the South where at least we still have some semblance of morals and ethics

   • If the South had any real morals and ethics left, Tennessee would have elected Basil Marceaux.Also, take a look at the AJC's homepage for insights into morals and ethics.



3. Between government hand outs and this crap I'm not sure what to think.

   • The government has been giving out handouts since the creation of the First Bank of the U.S. in 1791. The other crap is presumably, the threatening of the 1st Amendment by forbidding the construction of a building based upon the religious practices of the owners. That's American.



4. America used to be a proud Nation that had a fear of God and an un-paralelled work ethic.

   • America is a proud nation, fuck you for the past-tense. Our fear of God has largely been more of a fear of running out of money and getting caught doing bad things, I still have that fear. As for un-paralleled work ethic, I think that went out in the 60s man, also the Mexicans, Japanese, ah hell, all the other Orientals, would like a word on work ethic.



5. Not sure when we became a nation of pussies that roll over to appease extremist.

   • I hope we haven't. Because if this community center and mosque, which will be open to the public, somehow is intimidated and yelled at enough that it isn't built, then the extremist have won. America is patchwork quilt of fucked-up, crazy, hard-working, flag-loving, hipster, sexy, farming, werewolf-kids, ghost-riding the whip, yuppie Bad-asses, and some of these people are Muslims. Wouldn't it be a good idea to keep our Muslims feeling at home and not treating them as if they do not belong in America?



6. Bonus From Commenter Colin: Sounds like a couple of 24/7 BBQ joints need to open upwind of that Mosque. Have that sweet smokey smell of BBQ pig waft down to the mosque constantly.

   • Absolutely, I will gladly run this place. Slow Paul's Whole Hawg. Full of deliciousness and infidels!

Great article covering the topic.

Take-Out with F2DR: Burying the Lede at Mark's City Grille

Mark's City Grille is less than a year old but its done big things. Restaurant thought-baby from one of Columbus' few patrician restaurateur families it was bound to happen. Getting past the oddity of using the name 'City' in a "high-class diner" that is stuck in a gas-station parking lot in a low density area of suburban Columbus, once inside, it is the kind of place that you might find in a downtown city-block. High, open ceilings, open kitchen, and decent enough food. Typical smörgåsbord of generic menu items like burgers, steak, grilled chicken, meatloaf, Mark's manages to raise the bar by freaking the fuck out of Columbusites by throwing in little items like buffalo meat burgers, delicious bacon wrapped quail parts, and Pres. FDR's fav, Country Captain.

But I digress, the relevant story is what happened at Mark's City Grille this past Saturday night. Awesome shit. Things that only happen in movies or in Jake's dreams. Gunpoint. Robbery.

You:

What's the big deal? Black men rob people all the time?

Let me finish. Gunpoint. Robbery. Foiled.
One of the three employees who was being held up after Mark's had closed, decided not to be fucked with and fought back against the armed robber with the only weapon he had at hand. His beer. The dish-washing hero hit the guy over the head with the bottle, forcing the master of crime into running away while shooting his gun aimlessly. After a police sketch artist was able to produce a likeness of the would-be robber... one Deron Thomas was found nearby, matching the description and was arrested.

When asked what he was thinking as he attacked the dude holding the gun, Tshaka Nelson said,

I wasn’t scared because I’ve had guns pointed at me before. I used to be a cab driver.

Well, damn. I've been demeaning and drunk to cabbies before, but now that I know having guns pulled on them is happening on the reg, I don't feel nearly as bad for not tipping.

We're Going To Hell in a Handbasket

A Mosque has been approved to be built in the shadow of where the World Trade Center once stood until radical Muslims flew planes into the Twin Towers killing 2,976 American Citizens.

All I have to say about this is Wow. I'm so happy that I live in the South where at least we still have some semblance of morals and ethics..., barely. Between government hand outs and this crap I'm not sure what to think. America used to be a proud Nation that had a fear of God and an un-paralelled work ethic. Not sure when we became a nation of pussies that roll over to appease extremist.

Fresh4Morning: Quick Sick Lyric

"See you survived the worst but my life is glorious
Betta know that i leaped every hurdle and i'm so victorious
Take a look, I'm a symbol of greatness now you can call me Morpheus"

Stay Posted. Stay Fresh

Brent and I's conversation on the below posts....

6:20 PM brent: you got served

11 minutes

6:32 PM me: youre a bastard

brent: internet pwnage

me: congrats

6:33 PM brent: i was going to let it slide until i was unable to view the video from the site you linked to

6:34 PM me: well this is how i feel about you owning me on the internet

Party in the UGA

Our cohort from the Trade School in Atlanta doesn't seem to properly know how to imbed video, which is quite simple by a Twilight Tweeners standards. Without further ado the video he was trying to show you.

Note: A Tech Undergrad Will not get the Chance to bang any of these hot sorostitutes, bc at Tech they don't exist...W/that said UGA was voted the #1 Party school in America by the Princeton Review but you wouldn't know that by the comments on the blog Jake tried to misguide you to

The fine establishment my cohorts attended....

Put out this stellar video.....

http://barrelofrum.blogspot.com/2010/08/no-comment-necessary.html

Yes i linked it through a GT site, Brent. Suck it.

Glad to see Richt had time to film this, between his trips back and forth from the ATM and the police station.

Civil War 2.0, begin.

Fresh4Morning: The Golden G-String Awards

So I was listening to the best morning radio show in America (The Regular Guys) and during a commercial break a sexy voice comes over the air welcoming me to attend "Blonde Delicious" at The Pink Pony. Normally I am not one to be enticed by sexy voice overs because chances are A) I'm never actually going to be talking to the sexy girl in the late night 1-800 ad that stays up late and talks to losers like me while rolling around in the bed with another hot girl in nothing but their underwear...love those ads and B) Said girl that answers the phone is more than likely a fat black chick...maybe I will call...

However...this morning all that changed. A sexy voice over ad rang in my years promoting "Blonde Delicious"-winners of the Penthouse Golden G-String Award. I really can't argue that...it's science. No joke this ad has now run six times in the course of me writing this article. The show promises girl on girl sexy dance August 9th at the Pink Pony. I'm hoping they were awarded actual golden g-strings that they incorporate into their show...either way I say let's go.

I wonder if the drummer for the Nappy Roots ?uestlove was inspired by these late night ads and that's how he came up with his name??? Something to ponder

Coming Soon to a Site to Get Lost in the Extremeness of the Interwebz and all it has to Offer Near You!!! Fresh Material

Sorry F4L'ers for the lack of new material over this past week. I gave you a couple gems in my concert post and Dream Theater, but you deserve more and I'm going to give it to you just the way you like it whether you're in the mood or not. That being said prepare to have your minds raped this week. Stay Fresh and stay posted. Tell all of your friends about this site and threaten them with violence if they don't view it. Shits about to get real. Mad Real. I promise.

Sincerely,

Brent

President and CEO of Fresh2DeathRecords