F2DR: Reposted to Protect Friendship, Nothing Else

{Ed. Note: The previous post titled "F2DR Returns/Presents: Shots That Will Get You Drunk: Dublin Street Riot" has been removed and reposted in order to remove the hilarious comments that you, our readers posted.  There were some good ones, comments about how certain parties don't get laid enough (AMEN), how certain girls find the word "hiporker" funny and how they don't even realize yet that that is their new nickname, now and forever, and how other certain girls can't handle a little truth in the face but they always seem to be able to handle a little penis in the ass.  This is not being done for whiny crybabies, this is being done for the goodness and faithfulness of friendship.  For in these troublesome times, one thing you should be able to rely upon is friendship.

The F2DR family of friends apologizes to our readers, fans, internet rights activists, baby Jesus, and most of all to the Constitution, for in deleting away the original comments we have failed all of you.  We moved from Tumblr all those months ago, with a goal of allowing you, the reader, to provide insight and commentary on our pieces.  With that we expected a certain knowledge that we in turn will totally comment on your comment.  I'm reminded of a certain adage, "If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen."  Well, maybe if you can't handle The Internet, you SHOULD stay in the kitchen.  We would like to also point out that no names were revealed with the comments and that anonymity was promised by the fact no names were written and guaranteed by the fact that no one reads this.

A general note to all future crybabies who can't handle The Internet (even if they can handle taking it up the ass multiple times in one night), DON'T MESS WITH THE INTERNET!

Thank you friends and Goodnight.}

F2DR Returns/Presents: Shots That Will Get You Drunk: Dublin Street Riot

Brent has been giddy all day long about how we're going to make a "triumphant" return and tell all 9 of you about our Georgia Fucking Florida Weekend.  That may happen, but to be honest, I'm not the one to tell the story of my weekend, thats for girls with cameras or rapey raccoons to share.  I may try to get around to it in a day or two, but for now I'm bringing you a delicious new shot for you to enjoy and tell all your friends about.
{Ed. Note: Rebecca, Blake already knows about it so don't share it with him.}

Actual photo of a Dublin Street Riot and what your town will look like you will be doing if you drink enough of them.

First, a little background from an original submission I just made to a drink recipe website...

Inventor, origin, where it's popular, anecdotals, descriptions, inspirations, anything to help us feature the drink better.

Me.

My living room. 

Rafter's on St. Simons Island, Georgia.

Taste great, but be careful!

I love bourbon, there aren't too many bourbon shots I can ever remember when I'm out, so its either straight shots of warm well bourbon or drinking jagerbombs with my friends.  

Watching Game 2 of the World Series (Rangers @ Giants), I had a bottle of Jameson and found a bottle of butterscotch schnapps from an old peach pie recipe. After trail and error I found that 3 parts whiskey and 1 part Butterscotch was delicious and smokey and drunk.  

I was making them in a regular shot glass and filling it up, however, the bartenders liked to use a shaker.

The name is inspired by the makers of Jameson themselves, the people of Dublin and their fondness of rioting in the streets.

By now, you likely have out your Jameson Irish Whiskey and are impassively thinking, "I don't have any butterscotch schnapps and I refuse to buy any because its kinda emasculating."  Good point, but allow me to rebuttal that it is not as emasculating as dressing up like this in public...

Shame, boatloads of shame.

...So order a bottle over The Internet or go to a dark part of town where you won't be seen by anyone important and get a bottle!  It tastes great and you will be drunk!  Just remember, don't take any K-pins while drinking these or you will be immediately and painfully remorseful. And shamed.

{Ed. Note: Damn, it has been a while since I've done this and I am still hungover from three days ago.  This post was written poorly by Jason.}

I Saw the Demon: GA/FL 2010

(Can't say I didn't put myself in a good position to get laid*****...)

If you are one of these pussies that pisses your pants* and is actually scared of movies like Paranormal Activity you can go fuck yourself. I made the mistake of watching that 2 bit POS film and wasted two hours of my life I will never get back** I saw the real demon this weekend and you can too if you choose to medicate with + or - Two and a half FOUR LOKOS*** and K-Pins.

Like Paulk I will not try and very accurately tell the tale of what actually happened at GA/FL because there are many gaps and I don't have many pics of me bc I was usually away from my friends and telling girls I met on the beach how I was a world renowned author that owned a private jet (I go big w/my lies). After many failed attempts at garnering the interest of a naive young lass looking for a good time all of my concoction hit me at once when I had finally got one to bite. I stopped the girl mid-sentence by ssshhing her by putting my finger on her lips, took off my shoes, placed them in her hand and mumbled I'll be right back....I swam laps in the Atlantic and thats the last thing I remember. Chances are if you weren't dressed as an IPOD, the gold tent, or a LOKO and or PBR I don't recall interacting with you.

This all being said GA/FL was a blast. I will not ever mix sedatives w/booze again bc it leads to shame but not as much as being Jewish and eating a fried pork chop and then saying that wasn't my favorite kind of fried chicken...ouch.

Remember The Good Memories****

* Yes I peed my pants

** There were many hrs over last weekend I wish I could get back

***Time travel exists...but it only moves forward as far as I have experienced. Whenever I LOK I always end up Going Back to the Future

**** Even the good memories of B-b-barbara Jeans I threw up bc I ate too much

***** The final tally unfortunately was 3 makeout sesh's. Some heavy petting and one epic J-Smoove'esque thunderblock when I drove the lane weak for the slam dunk

F-U Demon

Booze Lose Repeat...Until Next Year

Beautiful Friend...The End

Alas Fresh4Lifers the day has come. Do not let your hearts be troubled, life moves on and my blogging days aren't over. As any successful artist knows you can't stay the same, you've got to evolve your talent. Thanks for your support and viewership F2DRNation. Free loks for the first three commenters. Blake is buying.

Doing Bad Things is Fun...MONSTER WEEKEND Cont.

(Maybe I shouldn't be able to play video games for like the weekend)

As promised now that I have had time to shake off the stink that was this weekend it is time to recap it.

UGA lost 17-6 why? Because Washauns Hit and Run Dumb ass can't hold onto the football (I really wish he'd have gone to jail at this point). Thanks alot Douche

GT lost 28-25? This is a good thing because I spent the weekend w/Tech Alums and had they not lost to a Div 2 school I wouldn't have survived the weekend...oh wait Kansas is still a Div 1 school they just lost to North Dakota St (an actual Div 2 school) the week before. Hahahaha. Not to mention VA Tech lost to Boise St. (eww) and James Madison (Div 2) back to back weeks. ACC! ACC! ACC! The ACC has no value and should not be an automatic qualifying conference.

The Braves continue to suck

The Cowboys and Lions both lost due to dumbass plays made by former GA Tech Players (Tashard Choice and Calvin Johnson). Gary Guyton did make a nice play in the NE Cincy game.

Now that I've got all the suck out of the way let's talk about what went right and why MONSTER WEEKEND was a success:

Keg Beer! Sweetwater IPA and it's full delicious 7% alcohol per volume flavor to be exact

Four Loko! I've sworn it off 6 times now but let's be realistic raging on lok with friends outside of gas stations and then going bowling only happens when you lok. Good Times

Strippers! Even when they have a clit that is almost the size of your own dick it is fun to get slapped in the face with big, fake titties. Explain that you have no cash. Have them follow you to the ATM. Then demand that whore give you change from your $10 out of her G-string

Taco Cabana! I'm not sure if this was the name of the restaurant or not, but finding $3 on the sidewalk on the walk there and buying and eating a cheese bean burrito for $3.01 and puking it up was well worth it. Deliciousness x 2

Shirtless Walk Home! Apparently this is a rule and so we all walked shirtless back home while dipping. Attempts were made to purchase sex. Friends were lost on accident. And bums were harassed.

MONSTER WEEKEND!!! Only 3 Days Until It's Always Sunny Premiere. Only four days until MONSTER WEEKEND Part Deaux

Clit Dick, Rampage Loked Up Bowling, Taco Cabana and a shirtless walk home=MONSTER WEEKEND

(The Jesus would never bowl a 31..."8 year olds Dude")

What do you do when your Alma Mater loses a football game? I'll tell you more about it later. More details to come when I'm able to come back to life after this worthless weekend of losses that in some weird way weren't so bad because of friends and booze.

Fresh4Eating: KFC

(It's so Glorious)

This blog was founded upon the principles of bbq,booze, and boobs and it's time we get back to our roots. What better way to do that than by filling your arteries w this

Double Down Nutrition Facts

Sandwich Calories Fat (g) Sodium (mg) KFC Original Recipe® Double Down 540 32 1380 KFC Grilled Double Down 460 23 1430

That's right baby, the KFC Double Down Sandwich!

If you haven't treated yourself to one of these most delish beasts of mans own creation do yourself a favor and crush your face with one tomorrow. As the new KFC commercial states "today is the day I Double Down!" When I ordered my double-down sandwich today I shouted the aforementioned sentence to the cashier. The kind lady giggled, told me how good the sandwich was and... in standard KFC employee form managed to F'up my order. The situation was promptly remedied and my double-slice of fried chicken Heaven delivered a taste-gasm not akin to anything else on this planet.

(It's Imperative to eat this "sandwich" w/anger and force)

The Bible says that there will be a feast prepared for all believers. A banquet/buffet I imagine. The KFC Double-Down Sandwich will undoubtedly be on the menu.

Review:

Location- 2/5 cans

Service- 1/5 cans

Taste/Quality- 5/5 cans

The Hook Brings You Back

(I'm eating the other stuff before I eat the meat)

I want to apologize to those readers who were subjected to Capt. Krunks failed attempt at internet stardom. I assure you it wont happen again. I have faith in him as a fellow member of the pen15 club (the writers guild) but he still has some learning to do. On to the meat... (Anyone else eat all the vegetables and other items on their plate and save the meat for last?...this is not rhetorical I really want to know)

It is currently 4:09 PM and if you are in your car and not listening to Dave FM (92.9 on the dial) you are doing yourself and the entire city of Atlanta a huge disservice. I'm unfamiliar with whom the drivetime dj is over at Dave, I'm sure it's listed on their website...due to time restrictions (aka a 4:45 showing of Machete!) I'm not going to look it up. Bottom line is whoever it is, is somehow tapped into my brain and plays the music I want to hear, exactly when I want to hear it. For example the other day I switched over to Dave FM around 5:3o PM and I heard a live version of the Counting Crowes "Hanging Around" followed immediately by Blues Traveler "The Hook"...these songs are staples on my drunken Youtube College Playlist.

Times Up. Going to see Machete. Listen to Dave on Lok...or just get loked and get on Youtube

Fresh4Morning: Early Morn Phone Calls=Motivation

I've been up since around 3:30 AM and I feel great. Work is fast approaching at 8 AM and I could care less. I would like to take this time to thank the makers of coffee and while I'm at it the fine men and women at Coffee Mate for producing Coffee Mate chocolate. MMMMmmmm delish

"My point is dude" to quote Walter from the Big Lebowski (One of the greatest films of all time) is that LCD Soundsystem is playing the Tabernacle the night of October the 4th. I have no idea what day that falls on but I'll be there and so should you.

(It's too early in the morn/Babies Welcome/WTF)

Also to quote Walter again "Fucking Amateurs" (Walter of course was referencing the nihilist in the film..."We believe in nothing Lebowski...yaaah. We come back tomorrow to cut off your Johnson") I however am referencing the Phillies and the Braves for that matter. It's not often that you can lose 3 games in a row and somehow manage to gain half a game in the standings but that's exactly what happened this week in the NL East. That being said the Braves need to get it together.

Lastly, to quote Walter once more "If you will it Dude, it is no dream"- Stay Fresh yall

The Fuck? How'd I Never Hear About This?

I watch the History Channel a lot. Not as much lately since its not one of the HD channels, but I've built up a veritable useless treasure trove of snippets of historical facts and intrigue. Last night PBS aired a two hour long show on the History of Chickens. I watched 10 minutes of it because those few moments were devoted to Mike the Headless Chicken

A regular chicken, one day in 1945, was chosen as dinner. Normally that story would end fried and delicious. Not Mike. No, he had something more weird to give. He lived. Due to a careless, but nonetheless successful, beheading, Mike held onto his brain stem and one ear. Thats all it took for him to remain cock of the walk in the barnyard. And in no time at all he was picking out the tallest perches, feebly crowing/gargling at the sun, and eating the choicest corn by eyedropper delivery. He lived for another year and half after his beheading. Which is longer than most fully-headed chickens get to live. Mind, meet Blown.

Video of Headless Chicken? Video of Headless Chicken.

F2DR Presents: A Sit Down & Chat: An Interview With A Scientist

Tonight, we are breaking away from the usual stories on religious intolerance, crime, hair-do polls (because, we all realllllly care whether or not Brent turns himself into a child with his haircut), undertones of racism, misspellings of the word circa, and restaurant reviews that keep you coming back, again and again. In lieu of all that irrelevant shit, here is a made up interview with a goddamned scientist.



E. O. Wilson, (B.S., Univ. of Alabama, M.S. & Ph. D., Harvard) joins us to discuss things and share his views on the little terror-baby-turned-full-citizen S. invicta, the fucking imported fire ant.

J: Dr. Wilson, glad you could make it.
E. O.: Great to be here, I hate pigeons and zombies myself, you know.
J: LOL! Yes, its been quite the unmemorable summer.
E. O.: Maybe for you, I've been jamming to Cee-Lo's F**k You since Memorial Day.
J: Damn, all I've had is (500) Days of Weezy's Lollipop Dreams. But F**k You was released less than a week ago. How'd you get a hold of it nearly three months ago?
E. O.: When you work as closely with fire ants as I do, you really get to know all the necessary ways to articulate, "fuck you".
J: That makes great sense Ed and segues into the Science part of this interview nicely.
E. O.: I'm not called the Lord of Ants and the Father of Sociobiology for nothing.
J: I recently had a terrible experience with fire an...
E. O.: Let me interrupt you by saying that all experiences involving fire ants are terrible, albeit the ones that also include matches and a bottle of lighter fluid. I've been saying as much since 1951!
J: Well, this experience begins with me unknowingly standing on a bed of the little Brazilian bastards and by the time I first felt the initial sting, they had covered both of my legs, up to my knees and inside of my pants. Hundreds of the devils. I was shocked and awed by their numbers, by their hostility.
E. O.: Let me guess, you immediately ran away while kicking off your boots and pants?
J: Yes. Yes, that is exactly what happened. And now, more than 24 hours later, both of my legs are covered in pimple bites and are still numb. Itching and burning. And occasionally oozing.



Gross!
E. O.: Scientists who work in the field, from time to time, come across these tiny invaders. We are forced to take measures, which often involve having to strip off the affected clothes and run away. It happens.
J: Thank you Ed. It was great sitting down with you...for a second time. We first met back in 2004, at Young Harris College. You spoke about microbes in the soils or some jazz.
E. O.: Thank you. Always glad to chat with a fan. And be sure to let Blake know that scientists take off their pants in the woods all the time!

Well. That's that. Now you know a little more about fire ants, pants and scientists.

1st Ever F2DR Poll: Insert Sponsor Here _________

Remember back in the early to mid 90's at the peak of the Braves run of dominance when Super Cuts offered to shave a Braves Tomahawk into the side of your head and charged roughly $12 to do so? Well I do, and I did a couple summers ago... The Braves sucked then, but I feel that now the entire fanbase has been rejuvenated by this years team and its time to bring back the Tomahawk hair cut!

F2DR Nation you be the judge. Should I once again rock this do?

(Tomahawk Hair Do Pictured Above. Cerca Summer 2008)

I vote yes. What say you? I believe that all of Braves Country should band together with a unified look.

F2DR Movie Review: The Expendables

Plot: A band of brothers (the Expendables) save a chick's life on an island overthrown by corruption.

Synopsis: Sylvester Stallone mindfreaks the audience into believing that this isn't the most recent installment in the Rambo Franchise by adding an all star cast of action stars to the mix. This movie has it all except for full on penetration (requires Hulu Regestration...worth it), which as most of us know is the key ingredient for a film to be considered great. I digress. Guns go boom! Shit gets blown up, and the good guys win. A wonderful cinematic experience that you need not miss unless you are a baby...no seriously do not under any circumstances take a small child to this movie. Loud Noises! and if that's not reason enough for you to subject a baby to this flick then try this on for size. Gore! Enough to satisfy the blood lust of Rob Zombie in cinema for the next 5 years.

F2DR Final Score 9/10

Babies Not Welcome!

Ever Take A Bad Trip...On Drugs?

Latest music video from electronic rock duo, Ratatat, is just as fun as being left in a room with a whole bunch of strangers while your tripping. Also, Santa.

Fresh4Morning: Why The Mets' Step-Parents Suck

Everyone worth knowing, knows the Mets suck. What many fail to realize is that this level of suck rubs off even on people who are only affiliated with the organization by banging K-Rod's mom. Francisco Rodriguez (4-2, 2.24 ERA, 25 SV, 1 RfD (Responsibility for Divorce)) got into an altercation with his father-in-law in the Mets' clubhouse after yet another loss. Details are hard to find, but the end result is K-Rod punched his New Dad in the kisser, hopefully a strong right, who ended up being the biggest bitch and widest gaping pussy about the whole thing. Not only did the guy press charges and have him arrested for assault, he also had to go to the hospital. Going to the hospital for "facial bruises" is weak sauce. I hope the guy catches one of those nosocomial superbugs and ends up pissing blood for the rest of his life. Justified.

K-Rod clearly has issues with this guy and may have been hitting him for a good reason, but c'mon. He's a professional athlete and all one of his right crosses can inflict are "facial bruises". Pop-in-law should have been chewing on incisors or digging his eyeball out with a spoon and a sponge. At the very least having to hold his head back and apply pressure to his nose. I bet Billy Wagner could throw a punch like a man. Hopefully he hit himself last night for trying to lose another game.

The best part of the article covering the altercation is the accompanying poll.

Let's hope so.

{Source Article}

The Atlanta Braves: A Microcosm of the Human Experience

Me: It was good seeing you, what do you have going on later tonight?

Athens Townie that used to/maybe still does work in the basement of Grady College at UGA: I'm either going bowling, or I'm about to go kill myself...one of the two

Me: Well you take care and good luck

It wasn't until about six fateful minutes later when the magnitude of this conversation actually hit me (the normal amount of time it takes for something important to get to you when drinking tequila). Chipper Jones had just made the best defensive play I'd seen him make in over five years, and for that he was rolling around in the grass holding his knee. Visions of being at the Ted for this years Fall Classic and partying throughout the night in Buckhead when the Braves win the World Series in 6 games over the Chicago White Sox started vanishing from my memory. Suddenly it all made sense...In one way or another we are all about to go bowling (living for a purpose) or are about to kill ourselves (worrying about Chippers knee instead of taking Cox chapter 23 to heart***). These are the kinds of things that one ponders after a three day bender in Athens. For me, it is time to go bowling. I'll keep you posted on how I score.

*** Yea though I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Defeat, I will fear not the Phillies, for thy Conrad and Hudson they comfort me

Cox 23

(Shout out to Craig for winning the Dream Theater Challenge and for this quotation from the Book of Cox)

I Have So Many Problems With This, I'm Going to Use Dum-Dum Bullet Points

Social Political blog we are not. But we are social creatures and politics are happening right now. So when a nationally covered distasteful, ignorant, fundamentalist viewpoint touches my serious internet business, I get perturbed. Ole Newt doesn't want there to be a mosque and community center built a couple blocks from the site of the WTC and Brent agrees with him. I'm sure a lot of Americans do. But, I'm also sure a lot of Americans are idiots.
When political and TV leaders are espousing an idea that a mosque (and, diligently mentioned by proponents, community center) being built within a few blocks of one the greatest tragedies and acts of violence in American history, represents a "victory" for Islam its not hard to understand the resistance and outrage many are feeling. I'm only going to dissect Brent's admittedly short and quick take on the matter. He presumably was picturing this as he wrote it.

Here are the promised bullets, marvel at my HTML powers!

1. ...radical Muslims flew planes into the Twin Towers killing 2,976 American Citizens.

   • Over 300 foreign nationals are included in this number along with an equal number of actual regular Muslims who were just as victimized as non-Muslims



2. I'm so happy that I live in the South where at least we still have some semblance of morals and ethics

   • If the South had any real morals and ethics left, Tennessee would have elected Basil Marceaux.Also, take a look at the AJC's homepage for insights into morals and ethics.



3. Between government hand outs and this crap I'm not sure what to think.

   • The government has been giving out handouts since the creation of the First Bank of the U.S. in 1791. The other crap is presumably, the threatening of the 1st Amendment by forbidding the construction of a building based upon the religious practices of the owners. That's American.



4. America used to be a proud Nation that had a fear of God and an un-paralelled work ethic.

   • America is a proud nation, fuck you for the past-tense. Our fear of God has largely been more of a fear of running out of money and getting caught doing bad things, I still have that fear. As for un-paralleled work ethic, I think that went out in the 60s man, also the Mexicans, Japanese, ah hell, all the other Orientals, would like a word on work ethic.



5. Not sure when we became a nation of pussies that roll over to appease extremist.

   • I hope we haven't. Because if this community center and mosque, which will be open to the public, somehow is intimidated and yelled at enough that it isn't built, then the extremist have won. America is patchwork quilt of fucked-up, crazy, hard-working, flag-loving, hipster, sexy, farming, werewolf-kids, ghost-riding the whip, yuppie Bad-asses, and some of these people are Muslims. Wouldn't it be a good idea to keep our Muslims feeling at home and not treating them as if they do not belong in America?



6. Bonus From Commenter Colin: Sounds like a couple of 24/7 BBQ joints need to open upwind of that Mosque. Have that sweet smokey smell of BBQ pig waft down to the mosque constantly.

   • Absolutely, I will gladly run this place. Slow Paul's Whole Hawg. Full of deliciousness and infidels!

Great article covering the topic.

Take-Out with F2DR: Burying the Lede at Mark's City Grille

Mark's City Grille is less than a year old but its done big things. Restaurant thought-baby from one of Columbus' few patrician restaurateur families it was bound to happen. Getting past the oddity of using the name 'City' in a "high-class diner" that is stuck in a gas-station parking lot in a low density area of suburban Columbus, once inside, it is the kind of place that you might find in a downtown city-block. High, open ceilings, open kitchen, and decent enough food. Typical smörgåsbord of generic menu items like burgers, steak, grilled chicken, meatloaf, Mark's manages to raise the bar by freaking the fuck out of Columbusites by throwing in little items like buffalo meat burgers, delicious bacon wrapped quail parts, and Pres. FDR's fav, Country Captain.

But I digress, the relevant story is what happened at Mark's City Grille this past Saturday night. Awesome shit. Things that only happen in movies or in Jake's dreams. Gunpoint. Robbery.

You:

What's the big deal? Black men rob people all the time?

Let me finish. Gunpoint. Robbery. Foiled.
One of the three employees who was being held up after Mark's had closed, decided not to be fucked with and fought back against the armed robber with the only weapon he had at hand. His beer. The dish-washing hero hit the guy over the head with the bottle, forcing the master of crime into running away while shooting his gun aimlessly. After a police sketch artist was able to produce a likeness of the would-be robber... one Deron Thomas was found nearby, matching the description and was arrested.

When asked what he was thinking as he attacked the dude holding the gun, Tshaka Nelson said,

I wasn’t scared because I’ve had guns pointed at me before. I used to be a cab driver.

Well, damn. I've been demeaning and drunk to cabbies before, but now that I know having guns pulled on them is happening on the reg, I don't feel nearly as bad for not tipping.

We're Going To Hell in a Handbasket

A Mosque has been approved to be built in the shadow of where the World Trade Center once stood until radical Muslims flew planes into the Twin Towers killing 2,976 American Citizens.

All I have to say about this is Wow. I'm so happy that I live in the South where at least we still have some semblance of morals and ethics..., barely. Between government hand outs and this crap I'm not sure what to think. America used to be a proud Nation that had a fear of God and an un-paralelled work ethic. Not sure when we became a nation of pussies that roll over to appease extremist.

Fresh4Morning: Quick Sick Lyric

"See you survived the worst but my life is glorious
Betta know that i leaped every hurdle and i'm so victorious
Take a look, I'm a symbol of greatness now you can call me Morpheus"

Stay Posted. Stay Fresh

Brent and I's conversation on the below posts....

6:20 PM brent: you got served

11 minutes

6:32 PM me: youre a bastard

brent: internet pwnage

me: congrats

6:33 PM brent: i was going to let it slide until i was unable to view the video from the site you linked to

6:34 PM me: well this is how i feel about you owning me on the internet

Party in the UGA

Our cohort from the Trade School in Atlanta doesn't seem to properly know how to imbed video, which is quite simple by a Twilight Tweeners standards. Without further ado the video he was trying to show you.

Note: A Tech Undergrad Will not get the Chance to bang any of these hot sorostitutes, bc at Tech they don't exist...W/that said UGA was voted the #1 Party school in America by the Princeton Review but you wouldn't know that by the comments on the blog Jake tried to misguide you to

The fine establishment my cohorts attended....

Put out this stellar video.....

http://barrelofrum.blogspot.com/2010/08/no-comment-necessary.html

Yes i linked it through a GT site, Brent. Suck it.

Glad to see Richt had time to film this, between his trips back and forth from the ATM and the police station.

Civil War 2.0, begin.

Fresh4Morning: The Golden G-String Awards

So I was listening to the best morning radio show in America (The Regular Guys) and during a commercial break a sexy voice comes over the air welcoming me to attend "Blonde Delicious" at The Pink Pony. Normally I am not one to be enticed by sexy voice overs because chances are A) I'm never actually going to be talking to the sexy girl in the late night 1-800 ad that stays up late and talks to losers like me while rolling around in the bed with another hot girl in nothing but their underwear...love those ads and B) Said girl that answers the phone is more than likely a fat black chick...maybe I will call...

However...this morning all that changed. A sexy voice over ad rang in my years promoting "Blonde Delicious"-winners of the Penthouse Golden G-String Award. I really can't argue that...it's science. No joke this ad has now run six times in the course of me writing this article. The show promises girl on girl sexy dance August 9th at the Pink Pony. I'm hoping they were awarded actual golden g-strings that they incorporate into their show...either way I say let's go.

I wonder if the drummer for the Nappy Roots ?uestlove was inspired by these late night ads and that's how he came up with his name??? Something to ponder

Coming Soon to a Site to Get Lost in the Extremeness of the Interwebz and all it has to Offer Near You!!! Fresh Material

Sorry F4L'ers for the lack of new material over this past week. I gave you a couple gems in my concert post and Dream Theater, but you deserve more and I'm going to give it to you just the way you like it whether you're in the mood or not. That being said prepare to have your minds raped this week. Stay Fresh and stay posted. Tell all of your friends about this site and threaten them with violence if they don't view it. Shits about to get real. Mad Real. I promise.

Sincerely,

Brent

President and CEO of Fresh2DeathRecords

No Take Backs: A Look Into Love, Lies, and the Law

1) Man meets woman at bar.
2) Man lies to woman.
3) Woman impressed, drunk.
4) Sex.

That's a bare-bones rundown of >90% of all bar hookups. Its a tried and true method for one-night stands and awkward Facebook friending. Those all-stars up there do it every night when they mention, "No, I don't have VD" or "Yes, I always wear a condom". When later she realizes that no, you don't drive a BMW 6 Series, aren't actually on that minor league baseball team, and she, in fact, does now carry a simplex virus there are few repercussions and certainly no legal actions to take. Well, consider the precedent met.

A Palestinian man has been convicted of rape after having consensual sex with a woman who had believed him to be a fellow Jew. ~ via Isreal

The article goes on to mention how the two did the deed in a building next to the club, that could be a slip-up of not mentioning that it was the chick's apartment or it could mean these two crazy opposite-sides-of-the-wall kids played just the tip in the bathroom of a 24-hour McDonanlds.


Just like that.
Now, no attempt will be made to dive into this region's socioeconomic-cultural-religious-getoffmyyard turmoils, but this flagrant abuse of a time-honored tradition among drunk horny men must not only be condemned by world leaders, actions should be taken to show Israel that even in times of crisis, everybody just wants to get their dick wet and under no circumstances should consensual dirty bar banging be turned into rape on account of a lie. No take backs!

Dream Theater

So, this is a new segment I want to try out...

While taking my morning shower today I went into a state of deep thought (not masturbation...at least this time it wasn't) and started to recall my dream that I had last night. I'm not sure about yall but my dreams are usually really jacked up and twisted. During the course of my dreams I usually jump from one scene to the next as I delve deeper into REM Sleep and further into my subconscious***

Part 1:

Last night I dreamt that my college roomate (Ty) and I were cattle ranchers. The dream began from a POV perspective as I saw Ty riding a horse and driving two wild horses he had just lassoed towards a stable... I am for some reason not on a horse nor do I question what I'm doing here... I flash forward and we are both satnding in western attire as I can view us from a third person perspective. We are approached by two other men riding on horseback out on the frontier. Apparently one of the men has killed Ty's dad. We draw swords and a battle breaks out. I end up stabbing and killing the man who killed Ty's father before Ty can get his proper revenge...The other man we are fighting is wounded and bleeding on the ground but he has drawn a firearm. He taunts Ty and the fact that he will never satiate his blood lust bc I have killed the man he has wanted dead for so many years... I flash forward again as I am hacking off the mans arm in order to separate him from his pistol. Ty then picks up the pistol and shoots the man dead...Cold, blooded gangster shit. I felt realy bad about it when I woke up

That completed Part 1 and I dropped down further into my subconcious

Part 2:

I am in the girls room that I am currently dating. We are having an ordinary conversation until she reveals to me that she has been addicted to porn for the past two years of her life and that she had just come to grips with this before she met me. She explained that her mom found out about her addiction and that is why she currently has blockers on her computer...I then wake up

Now I leave the power in your hands F2DR Nation: Translate my dreams. Top dream translator wins a shout out in the next post.

*** Sentence was inspired by the movie Inception and my knowledge from Psych 1101 at UGA

Full On Double Rainbow

It's starting to look like a triple rainbow...what does it meeeeaaaaannn???

Enjoy

Fresh4Morning: Here I am Rock Me Like a Hurricane

Sick Lyric of the day "I'm very sick, sicker than you, and when I play sick I'm like Jordan with the flu"- I don't care if you like rap music or not. If you ever get the chance to see Lil Wayne live in concert...Go!!! He puts on a hellevah show that is comparable to the best rock show you've ever been to.

This brings me to my second point/ramble of the morning. The last concert I attended was the Americas Most Wanted Tour last summer ft. Drake, Soulja Boy, Young Jeezy, and Lil Wayne. As I said, this concert was bad ass. Just for reference I've seen The Who, RHCP, Audioslave, Foo Fighters, etc. live and Lil Wayne quite possibly is the highest energy performer out of the list...Dave Grohl withstanding. This being said I have been patiently waiting for a concert/performer worthy of dishing out $40+ dollars for a ticket to see for the past year to come through the "A" but it just hasn't happened. If any of you out there in the F2DR Nation know of any bands/performers that are coming this way during the remainder of the hottest summer on record (according to me) then please, I beg you let me know. I'm suffering from serious "rock my fucking face off" live concert withdrawals. I'm easy to please...gimme a band with a face melting*** lead guitarist a la John Frusciante of RHCP or a rapper w/stupid awesome stage presence a la Lil Wayne (not easy to find).

All suggestions are welcome. I need my summer music fix and time is running out. First person to suggest the most bad ass show (link is to most hypothetic bad ass show) I'll buy your and mines tickets to the show...I'm feenin that bad...but that could be the loko withdrawls.

*** Face Melting: don't suggest a "crunchy grooves" gutarist and/or band. I like to rage when I rock. I don't "noodle" at concerts, I wild out/get buck

SFW chick of the day

Not sure where the rest of the crew is, maybe they got jobs as jousters at medieval times. For the time being, enjoy the best video i have seen on the interweb so far today.

http://tv.gawker.com/5593864/sara-underwood-blows-stuff-up-at-oklahomas-auto-shoot--trade-show

Why the Mets Suck: Not Good at Math

Ever wonder what happened to America's economy? Well ladies and not-so-gentlemen, the Mets have set forth a perfect example for us. Why pay someone $5.9 million, when you can put it off 11 years with interest and pay him $29 million instead. That makes perfect sense right Mets fans? What do you think was going through Bobby Bonilla's head when the Mets offered him this? I know what I would have thought, "Jesus Christ, these idiots are dumber than Anne Frank." Then my eyeballs would have turned into dollar signs like in cartoons. You know you've made an unsuccessful negotiation deal when you look across the table and the guy you're bartering with has $'s for eyeballs. For an almost average baseball player, Bonilla has done pretty well for himself here.

Fresh4Morning: Staff Gets Medieval

Mornin F4L'Rs. We're keepin it imperative and declarative today, that's just the way it is. Today the F2DR Staff will be traveling to a castle located off Sugerloaf Pkwy in Gwinnett for a tournament of champions (Medieval Times). The journey will be long and arduous but I have a feeling when the dust settles we will prevail.

What's Fresh today is that if you have failed to read Blake's post on Internet Subculture in full you are doing yourself and America a HUGE DISSERVICE. So go and read it in its entirety, you wont be disappointed.

Coming at you in the near future will be a post on how professional wrestling and the nWo in particular have shaped this years epic NBA offseason.

It's Just too sweeeeeeeeeeeet. Stay Fresh. Stay Loked. Off to get Medieval.

F2DR Movie Review: The Client List (Lifetime Movie)

"And then the magazines trick women, the magazines start picking at your self esteem. Every page you turn to you start feeling fatter and uglier, and you feel like your clothes aren't good enough. And the magazines have you forgetting how beautiful you are. That's what happens... and then YOU forget how beautiful you are and we ALL suffer. If pussy was a stock...it would be plummeting right now because you flooded the market with it, you're giving it away too easy. I'm just being truthful. I'm just talking. It would plummet... You'd be watching the news, "today pussy plummeted again on the Nasdaq...gold is up 6%"." -Dave Chappelle, from Killin' Them Softly

This quote popped into my head as I was stewing over the conclusion of Lifetimes The Client List starring Jennifer Love Hewitt. The reason why I was one of only a hand full of males that made up the 3.9 million viewers of this cinematic travesty is not important (I watch Professional Wrestling on Monday nights and... last nights episode of WWE Raw was slow, and somewhere during the course of my channel surfing I stumbled upon this train wreck gem...so what, I judge myself). What I'm about to say is, so listen up! (ladies specifically)

Lifetime Movies Aren't Real!!!

They are in fact make believe. Sorry ladies but if you start sexing it up all over the place and your name is NOT Jennifer Love Hewitt we (guys) Won't take you back. This applies no matter what stage of the relationship we are in, if we are even remotely involved then your ass is grass. That's just the way it is. Us guys find it a lot easier to severe all ties completely if a slut demon cheats on us. For some reason though if you catch us cheating, more often than not you are willing to give us a second chance because of love??? I'm sorry but you cannot love my penis as well as Jims,Joes,J-Bones, and the checkout guy from Kroger...just aint happenin.

This is the kind of BS that Lifetime and Vampires/Werewolves put into females brains. At the end of The Client List Jennifer Love Hewitts husband takes her back and she becomes a hero to the women whose husbands she fornicated with by giving them "pointers"...yeah right. I'm sorry but if J-Love herself were to cheat on me with over 100 other dudes I would be inclined to get medieval on her ass by patronizing this website.

Japanese Men Having Manly issues?

I just stumbled upon this. Enjoy reading about how 40% of Japanese men sit to pee.

This reminds me of a man I met in Tuscany, Italy a few summers ago, who decided to give my friends and I a hilarious impromptu improv of how different cultures use the restroom.

Let me know if you can't see this for some reason.

http://www.facebook.com/?ref=logo#!/video/video.php?v=507877173039&ref=mf

Fresh4Morning

Good Morning anything-but-gentle men and ladies of the evening. After a long, and well deserved writer's vacation, I return to you with the fruits of my mental labor. Actually all I have for you this AM are a few links and my 2 sentence responses to them, so deal with it.

I start you off today with a quote from a great American writer, warrior, and heavy drinker.

There is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never care for anything else thereafter.
Ernest Hemingway

Well Ernest, what about hunting chupacabras? Hunting animals that look like they came from Resident Evil would most likely perk my interests no matter how many armed men I had hunted.

I promise I'll come up with more reasons why the Mets suck this week, but for now just be content with this.

Ever gone over to a friend's house to have a nice evening of Mario Kart and out of nowhere his almost-MILF mom brings out liquor and weed, and wants to bone you? What a drag.

A Much Simpler Time...

Flashback...The date is April 20, 2010

I wake up as if it were any other day. I wake up and make myself a cup of joe, turn on the TV and settle into my favorite chair to watch one and a half hours of live Sportscenter before I actually start my day. Outside birds are chirping, the sun is shining, and the initials of my name are not tarnished by an inherently evil oil company..."BP"

Living life was much simpler before this past April 20th. Every now and again when I would meet a casual stranger and introduce myself as Brent P. they would say "OH Like the Gas Station" as they chuckled retardedly. However, since the spill has taken place much harsher reactions have come my way. Just the other day at work a lady told me her and initials were BP, I sighed and said "yeah unfortunately mine are too" , no longer than a second had passed when a complete stranger looked me in the eye and told me I was un-American. My stomach sank, my life and dreams were crushed....

To the man that told me I was un-American, Fuck You! I couldn't control what the company that shared my initials did. I wish things were different, I really do. Anyways...the well is capped, the Braves are in first place, and John Daly is playing bad ass golf. Let's put this oil thing in the past.

So next time you hear the initials "BP" think of how awesome F2DR is, or your favorite Brad Pitt movie. Just stop hating me.